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A Final Letter To You

You know what? I went through so much for you. I suffered so much, because of you. You put me through hell and I still let you come back…

and honestly, that was probably my biggest mistake yet.

Because you’re not good for me at all. In fact, you were toxic to my life. The whole time I was there for you I was under so much stress and worry. You put me through so much pain and you didn’t even care. You only regretted losing me after your Plan B didn’t work out for you. I hate you. I hate you so much.

You took all that I had to offer and you took it all for granted. I gave you pieces of me that I can never get back because I wanted you to be happy. I did everything I could to keep you alive and to give you hope. I loved you, I fucking loved you, and you took all of it for granted.

You were my best friend and I honestly believed that you would never betray my trust, especially after I let you back in after you destroyed me that first time. I can see now that you never truly cared about me -not the way I cared about you. But you know what? I never fell in love with you. I was getting there, but thank GOD I never actually did, because then I’d be lost completely.

You fucked up so bad this time and you can never fix this. You lost the one person on this earth who truly understood your pain; the only person who was there for you to help you out no matter what. I had your back, and you stabbed mine. And I’m just so done with you.

I regret letting you have me in any way. Even when we were something, really something, there was a missing piece to the whole picture and I never knew what it was. Something just wasn’t there that should have been, and until today I never knew what the piece was. But I stayed, because I cared. Now I don’t, and it’s all your fault.

You thought that not being official meant I couldn’t get hurt, but you thought wrong. God, you’re such an asshole for even thinking that…you’re so stupid. You’re a coward and you used me and you hurt me one too many times. You are not my friend. I do not love you.

There were nights where I’d stay up for hours to talk to you and try to convince you that your life was worth living and that you had a chance of fixing yourself…being the only one there for you was the scariest thing in the world, but I did it. You told me that I saved you, so why couldn’t you at least try to be there for me the one time I actually let you in on something?

I am still depressed, and I still have issues, but I am way stronger than you are. I don’t need help because I know how to save myself. I refuse to die sad, and I have such an amazing future ahead of me. I can get through anything, alone. I don’t need you. I really don’t.

But you know, it would have been nice to see you make a bit more of an effort to help me like I always helped you.

Fuck you. You are the weak one.

There are no third chances. I can never trust you again, and I will never be able to love you. I’m so relieved that I never gave you more than what I did, because then I might even regret something…and I live with no regrets, so that just goes to show how badly you screwed up.

I’m done with everything about you. You failed me one too many times, and you don’t deserve someone like me. I’m going to be perfectly fine without you.

 -Brittany Aileen Berwald

"I’ve already said too much. I’ve already shared too much, and now I want all my secrets back. I hate getting too close to people. I regret having shared so much, for having cared so much, for allowing myself to feel so much."

— Unknown (via satoori)

(Source: onlinecounsellingcollege, via n0w-im-a-warri0r)